Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
