he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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