Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
