I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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