Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
