i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
