i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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