Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
