yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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