i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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