HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
