Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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