her vagine was all disorganized.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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