Just mADE A PArabola og urine
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
