We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
