don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
