I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
