I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
