Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
