he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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