Say something about gay babies.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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