Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
