I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
