Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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