the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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