When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
