So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
