I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
