Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
