I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
