I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
