PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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