I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
