I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
