why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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