I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
