we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
