you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
