Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
