Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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