just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Two words: nipple clamps
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