I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
