Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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