i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
