There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
