i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
