You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
