Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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