never play flip cup with pint glasses
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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