your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
