It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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