I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
