i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm always down for nudity.
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