I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
