I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize