did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
