every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
