oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
