Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
