Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
