Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
