do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
