I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
