I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Houston, we have a squirter
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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