4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
