I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
