Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Randomize