It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
