You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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